A Night To Forget
by Rachel Selina
Summary: This story is what might have happened after the cameras stopped rolling in "Moment Of Truth Part 2."


**Author's Note **Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

This story is what might have happened after the cameras stopped rolling in "Moment Of Truth Part 2."

**A Night To Forget**

By Rachel

As Michaela stood waist deep in the freezing water her eyes feverously scanned the banks and river bed for any signs that might indicate the opposite to what she was facing, a life without Sully. As she screamed his name for the hundredth time Sgt Mckay approached her slowly and cautiously, touching her arm gently he said "He must've hit the rocks and fell into the river…I'll have my men check downstream for him…I'm sorry."

Not ready to believe this as the truth Michaela once again turned her attention to the surrounding area, looking for any tracks or signs of movement, but finding none, she sunk to her knees. At this moment she spotted his medicine pouch lying near the water's edge, grasping it tightly, Michaela held it up to the heavens and screamed out the anguish that her heart was feeling, "Why! Why God Why?"

Watching this scene playing out before her eyes Dorothy felt an untold pain for her friend, she knew that if this scenario was actually true and Sully was indeed gone then Michaela would want to die as well, but she also knew that Michaela would not leave the children motherless once again, no, Dorothy knew that Michaela would see being with them and seeing them mature into responsible loving adults would be the ultimate gift from her to Sully. Dorothy knew that without the other half of her soul Michaela would never be the same.

What the future held was something to worry about later, right now she had to get Michaela back to Flash and home to the safety of her family. Walking up behind her friend Dorothy laid a hand gently on her shoulder, feeling the heaving heart wrenching cries of a wounded lover, Dorothy spoke softly "Michaela, we need ta get ya home." Stealing herself for the reaction that was bound to come after her next statement Dorothy finished in almost a whisper "The children need ta know." Hauling herself to a shaky standing position, Michaela turned to face Dorothy and stated in a voice that left no room for misunderstanding "How can you even suggest to me that I should leave my husband out here alone and injured. I am not going anywhere tonight…I am going to search for Sully!" Before Dorothy had a chance to respond Michaela turned and walked away. Away from her friend, away from the body of the man that had in her eyes caused her husband's fall, and away from the soldier that she had trusted but now felt betrayed by.

Although Michaela knew that what Dorothy had said was right, the children did indeed need to know what had happened she was not thinking clearly enough to accept what Dorothy had said as the truth. Dorothy on the other hand knew that Michaela would be inclined to do this; she also knew that it was far from wise and was in fact the most foolhardy proposition she had ever heard. It was getting dark, Michaela was cold and shock was bound to set in soon. There was no way that she could allow her to start a search now. No Dorothy knew that she had to get Michaela to go home. So once again stealing herself for the fiery end of Michaela Quinn's temper Dorothy spoke clearly and concisely "Michaela listen ta me…I know ya wanna start lookin' now…and I understand that, I do. But you have to see sense…it's almost dark and you are in no state to think rationally and see things clearly. We need to get you back to the homestead. I promise that we'll start looking in the morning."

Upon hearing her friend's plaintive begging voice Michaela turned to face her, once again with defeat and pain etched over every part of her face and blankness in her eyes that left Dorothy in no doubt that that she had got her point across. Reaching for her friend's arm she helped Michaela back to Flash and once she was safely mounted Dorothy climbed on top of Diamond. Dorothy led the way along the mountain path, leaving McKay at the bottom of the cliff to figure out the removal of O'Connor's body.

Throughout the ride back it was evident from Michaela's subdued demeanour that shock had indeed begun to set in, much as Dorothy had suspected it would. It was just as well that Flash and Diamond knew the way because neither rider was actually paying much attention to where they were going. Shortly after nightfall they arrived at the Sully homestead and were greeted by Brian and Colleen rushing down the front steps calling out "Ma…Ma we've missed ya. We got so worried." Stopping just short of Flash Colleen could tell instantly that something was terribly wrong. Reaching for the reins, she tied them loosely around the corral fence and reached up to help her Ma down.

Almost mechanically Michaela swung her leg around and down, placing it on the ground and waiting for the other one to join it. When it did, and she looked into the eyes of her children, all her composure was gone and she ran into the house leaving Dorothy standing watching with a very confused Colleen and Brian. As the front door slammed shut behind her Michaela didn't even notice that Matthew was by the fire with Katie asleep on his lap all she had in mind was getting upstairs as fast as she could. Getting to the safety of her…no their room… where she could release all of her pent up emotions without fear of recrimination. Reaching the top of the stairs and turning the knob on the door Michaela threw herself into the room, leant against the door as she closed it behind her and sank to the floor. When her knees hit the hard, cold wood of the floorboards Michaela let out a gut-wrenching scream, which was joined with "Noooooooooooo!" and then silence.

Just at that moment Colleen and Brian entered the homestead followed by Dorothy. All glanced towards the upper floor from where the scream had emitted, turning to Dorothy, Colleen asked "What on earth happened out there?" Shaking her head and moving towards the fireplace, Dorothy relieved Katie from Matthew and replied "You'd best ask ya Ma." Noting Michaela come downstairs Dorothy brushed her shoulder with a comforting pat as she headed up to Katie's room. With Michaela's face red from crying, her usually bright eyes were pale and lifeless. She made her way into the lounge where she sat in one of the wing back chairs and looked at her family. Having prepared some chamomile tea Colleen handed Michaela a cup which she took with a shaky hand. Glancing from Matthew to Colleen to Brian, Michaela was reminded of the first time that she took them in when their mother had died, oh what a painful time that had been, but together they had helped each other through it. Would they be able to get through another heartbreak? They had lost so much already in their young lives. Matthew had lost his fiancée and now his home. Colleen and Brian had lost both their parents. Well to be precise they had actually only lost Charlotte as Ethan was still alive, but he was never a father to them. No the only father they had ever really known was Sully and now she had to tell them that he might be dead.

Taking a deep breath to try and compose herself, although she knew it was fruitless, Michaela took Brian's hand in hers and began in a voice which spoke more pain than her words would ever be able to convey "You all know that Sully was followed by O'Connor. Well Dorothy and I weren't able to get to him before O'Connor did." With tears cascading down her cheeks Michaela struggled to continue but knew that she had to. So taking a sip of the tea and a deep breath she spoke the words that would describe her inner pain. "There was a fight on the cliff face and both fell over. O'Connor died instantly and we couldn't find Sully's body." Showing the children Sully's medicine pouch, which she hadn't released since finding it, Michaela finished her explanation by saying "Children he's gone…Sully's dead." With that all her remaining resolve crumbled as she collapsed.

Dorothy, having put Katie down to sleep in her crib, and not wanting to intrude on this difficult family moment, had been listening from the top of the stairs. She knew that Michaela was strong when it came to the town and her responsibilities, but to see the inner strength that she just displayed for her children made Dorothy honour their friendship even more. It didn't come as any surprise that Michaela would finally collapse after what she had been through tonight, and now in the security of her loving family she could be cared for.

Realising that the children were dumbstruck with what their Ma had just told them, Dorothy moved to descend the stairs and to offer comfort where needed. As she approached Colleen, who had by this time brought her mother round, Dorothy could tell that none of the children actually believed what Michaela had said. They may not have verbalised it yet but it was definitely an unspoken agreement that Sully wasn't dead but severely injured somewhere. Knowing that convincing their mother of this fact was something for the children to do, Dorothy said goodbye to everyone and left the devastated Sully family to their sadness.

As she glanced back at this group of people that felt like family to her, Dorothy could tell that her best friend was in the best place, the loving embrace of her children. She knew without doubt that a journey of convincing and believing had begun when she heard Matthew call her "Ma." The children all heard the door close, and knew that Dorothy had left them to settle their mother. Colleen was the first one to actually act, and had retrieved the smelling salts from Flash's saddlebags. With the immediate reaction of Michaela rousing, Matthew then spoke softly; a simple word of "Ma" was enough to bring Michaela around fully. Looking into the confused, frightened faces of her children, she really was at a loss as to what to say or do.

Noting that she was starting to shake, Colleen asked the boys to bring the bathtub in and set it up by the fire in their parents' bedroom. Jumping up immediately to tend to their task, Colleen helped Michaela upstairs and gently sat her in the rocking chair by the fire. The same rocking chair, that had been used to sooth both herself and Brian over the years. Now, Colleen realised that it was her job to sooth her mother, and she was determined that the 'motherly' role would be her first concern until she felt that Michaela was fit enough to take over. Sensing that with this goal achievable Colleen started to feel calmer and more in control.

Hearing her brothers come upstairs, Colleen opened the door, and ushered them in, directing them to a spot that she had cleared. Matthew ensured that the fire was well alight, and had plenty of logs, before going downstairs to start the water boiling. Meanwhile Brian began to come out of the almost trance like state that he had appeared to be in. It wasn't really that surprising that he had reacted like he had. After all he was only a babe when Ethan had left the first time, and then when he was six his mother had died, then Ethan had left for the second time a few months later. The final crushing blow to Brian was when Ethan had left for a third time. It was then that he really started to think of Sully as his father. Yes Colleen and Matthew had been present during all of these tragedies, but being that much older; they were able to handle the emotional outpouring better than Brian was. Now he had to face another potential loss that Colleen knew, if it were true, would devastate him. Sensing that Brian needed something to do, to feel that his presence was as needed as hers and Matthew's, Colleen suggested that he go and fix their Ma something light to eat, and to fetch her another cup of tea. Nodding his head, Brian bent to kiss Michaela on the cheek, whispering, "It'll be okay Ma…I love ya", he exited the bedroom to do as he was asked.

Neither of the brother's took long to accomplish their tasks, and before long the bath was ready, and there was a tray with a small meal and tea placed beside the bed for afterwards. Knowing that Michaela wasn't going to be able to undress herself, as she was almost comatose in her mannerisms, Colleen asked the boys to wait downstairs, and to check on Katie as they went. This would leave her able to help Michaela get into the bath, and wash her if necessary. As Colleen helped Michaela into the warm, sweet smelling water, she heard a plaintive whisper leave her mother's lips,"Hoto'eh nátsêhéstahe osáane voneotse naa néhno'kâhéto. Hoto'eh véstâhéotse hóvôsané ésenéhane Stáhanémeo'ôtse naa hóovéhe" The only word she could make out was the term of endearment that she has heard her pa call her ma when they thought that nobody was listening 'Stáhanémeo'ôtse' the rest however was a mystery. Colleen wondered if it was better left as that. It would be well within the realms of possibility, where her parents' bond was concerned, that it may even be a silent communication to Sully. Not really feeling sure what to do with the beautiful language that was Cheyenne, Colleen stored it away, and returned her attention to soothing the now rocking Michaela.

Feeling the water beginning to cool and anxious to get her Ma into bed and warm, Colleen encouraged Michaela to step out of the tub and into a pre-warmed nightdress. Gently moving her over towards the bed Colleen pulled back the covers and removed the previously placed Bed Warmer. She silently thanked the boys for their thought as she heard their ma sigh as she sank down onto the soft warm mattress. Gently brushing her fingers over Michaela's still slightly damp hair, Colleen felt that for tonight at least the roles had been reversed and it was now up to her to be the mother, and help Michaela try to get some sleep. Accepting and understanding that Michaela didn't want or need to talk, and ensuring that she had plenty of logs for the fire, Colleen simply sat and softly stroked her ma's hand until she saw the fight for sleep finally win. Sitting a little while longer to ensure that Michaela was indeed asleep Colleen prayed as she had never prayed before, asking God to not only bring Sully back to the heart of his family, but to also return Cloud Dancing to Dorothy.

Finally feeling that her ma was deeply asleep Colleen crept soundlessly out of the room, leaving the door ajar slightly so that she could check on Michaela throughout the night if need be. She also knew that there would be nightmares and Colleen felt that if the door was already open then she would be able to get her ma quicker. A weak reason Colleen knew but it made her feel a little more at ease as she joined the boys downstairs. There was little conversation had by the siblings, but what was said was all in hushed tones and was conveying the fact that all gathered refused to accept that their much loved Pa and friend was no longer with them. They all unanimously agreed that come sunrise they would set about finding Sully and bringing him home. With a plan set and noting the time Colleen insisted that they all get some sleep, and when Brian started to complain she reminded him that none of them would be any use to their ma unless they were rested. Seeing the logic of that Brian acquiesced and followed Matthew upstairs, leaving Colleen to ponder a moment longer before joining her siblings upstairs.

Colleen did not sleep as well as her brothers appeared to, she tossed and turned and shortly before dawn was woken by a blood curdling scream coming from her parents' room. Rushing across the landing and pushing open her ma's door she witnessed a frantic sight, Michaela trapped in the throes of a nightmare and completely twisted up in the sheets. Colleen hurried to her side and softly using the softness of her touch and voice brought Michaela back. Michaela gradually calmed enough to slowly open her eyes and see her daughter. Colleen slowly pulled the sheets so that they were no longer trapping her mother, and brushed a hand over Michaela's sleep tussled hair. Leaning over to give her mother a soft kiss, while uttering an equally quiet, "morning ma, I'm not going to ask how you are because I know, but I'll get ya some tea then help ya up, okay?" Seeing a faint nod as her answer Colleen set about doing what she had said.

With Colleen downstairs, she assumed with Katie as her little girl seemed to have spent the night in her nursery not in her parents' room, hearing the boys join her, Michaela was left on her own. That thought sent a chill down her spine and began to set a lump of ice in her heart. Had the events of the day before actually happened, was Sully really gone from her life forever? Although Michaela knew what she had seen, she just couldn't accept it. Turning her head so she could see the headboard that her husband had so lovingly given her as a wedding present, Michaela ran a hand over the intricate carving. Every stroke of her hand brought a fresh wave grief, not able to hold onto the tears any longer she collapsed onto Sully's pillow, inhaling his unique musky woods scent she felt herself calm. The smell together with the uniqueness of this room was having a calming effect on Michaela. It was almost as if Sully was reaching out to her from wherever he was. She was reminded that their connection was not just a natural love and friendship, it was almost ethereal, and on more than one occasion in the past she knew that they had known precisely what the other was thinking, or when they were needed.

Feeling a slightly renewed sense of hope and love Michaela, while not completely steady on her feet, made the first steps to finding her love. Getting herself up and washed up, she chose one of Sully's favourite outfits, sensing that the more she had of him the stronger the connection would be. Just before leaving the bedroom Michaela reached for Sully's beads, which he had made for Katie, and his medicine bundle, which she had laid on the mantle next to their wedding picture the night before. Slowly closing the door behind her Michaela felt herself take a steadying breath before joining her family for breakfast. Looking up from his place by the fire Matthew was surprised but pleased to see his mother, pushing himself up to a standing position he wiped his hands on the rag which lived by the fire, and went over to give her a gentle hug, whispering as he did so, "morning Ma, we'll find him…we all love ya," not accustomed to really talking to his mother like that Matthew was slightly embarrassed and taken aback when Michaela held on just a little while longer and replied, "thank you Matthew…I love you too." Having heard and witnessed the scene from her place in the kitchen Colleen decided that Matthew may appreciate an interruption, so she cleared her throat and said, "Brian's out getting the milk and eggs, breakfast's almost ready" receiving a nod to show that she had been heard Colleen returned to finish off the breakfast of porridge and scrambled eggs.

Hearing a rider approach at speed caused all present to look at one another then rush to the front door. Brian, who was at that moment making his way back from the barn, arrived at the steps at the same moment, and all were shocked to see who the rider was. Brian was the first to verbalise anything as everyone seemed dumb struck, it was only as Brian exclaimed, "Daniel!" Matthew, Colleen and Michaela came back to life. Matthew went down to greet his father's friend warmly while Colleen, ushering an excited Brian with her, went back inside to set another place at the table. Glancing back at her mother before she shut the door Colleen wondered at the expression on her face, after all Colleen hadn't been home the last time Daniel came to visit so she wasn't really sure what the relationship was between the two adults that now stood just staring at each other.

Hearing Daniel just say, "There ain't nothin' more important that bringin' Sully home ta ya" made Colleen more puzzled, however she doubted that anyone would share what had previously transpired, and to be honest with herself she didn't really need to know, but she detected her mother relax and turn to come inside, which in turn made her relax. With breakfast hastily served and much catching up done as they ate, a plan was also beginning to form. It was decided that with Daniel's help, using his experience of wilderness survival, they would head further down the river. All at the table, including a now revitalised Michaela, were sure that the earlier shock filled assumption of Sully's death was incorrect. All they had to do was find him.

With Colleen agreeing to look after Katie at the clinic in town; Matthew, Brian, Daniel and Michaela set off following the route they had planned earlier. Colleen had made sure that there was plenty of food packed, and Brian had taken care of the medical supplies, so all they needed to do was focus on finding Sully. With no luck at the end of the first day the group decided to camp out. Setting up camp was a quick affair as each was so lost in their thoughts and roles that there was no banter at all. Sitting down by the fire and eating fish, with gravy and biscuits, Daniel feeling the need to break the silence and tension began telling the party about his life with Sully. Michaela who was listening intently realised how little she knew of his life before Abigail. Acknowledging to herself that this would change when she found her beloved husband, Michaela once again started feeling herself tune into Sully's presence. Out of nowhere it seemed to her Michaela's attention was drawn to a single Orchid and a windswept glen. Feeling this was important but not understanding why Michaela decided that it was time to get some sleep, so bidding the men a goodnight Michaela retreated to her bedroll and continued to focus on Sully and send him her love.

The group left their camp site early with a notable difference. Daniel was the first one to really pay attention to Michaela's changed demeanour. Not willing to question it, but noting that she appeared to be far more focussed, Daniel decided that providing she wasn't distressed he would leave her be. He had learnt the hard way that the relationship between Sully and Michaela was far more than love, and it should never be questioned. Being brought out of his revere as Michaela turned the corner, descended a slight slope and stopped dead. Michaela saw in front of her the very vision that she had seen the previous night. Feeling Sully's presence, Michaela heard him say her name, followed by nátsęhéstahe osáane kâhan. She knew that he was fading and that time was running out fast. Instinctively she felt that they were close, frantically calling to her sons and Daniel, Michaela told them, "he's here…I can feel him but hurry." Sensing the urgency in her voice and looking at where Michaela was riveted to the spot, the three men started to brush aside the leaves that had fallen the previous night. Just as they reached into a hollow under a tree, they heard Michaela take in a breath, freezing from what they were doing and looking to see what Michaela had seen. As they realised what was before them their clearing took on a new urgency. They had finally found him, but was he alive. Frantically pulling him out from the undergrowth the men cleared out of the way to let Michaela take over, using her Dr Mike persona, she desperately sought a pulse. With everyone holding their breath, wishing and praying beyond anything they had ever done before, Michaela finally found what she was looking for and said, "He's alive!"

The end.

Cheyenne meanings -

Please I'm so lost and alone

Please help save our heartsong and friend

I'm so tired


End file.
